Lost and wandering

It’s probably no surprise to most who visit my blog regularly that I’m feeling a little lost and wandering. Especially today. I’ve tried to keep up with my writing exercises, but in the last month I have just felt like everything I write is…blah.

I am somewhat discouraged over my ability to profit from writing lately. Many of you know I was writing articles on several sites, but one of them (the most profitable for me), got bought by another site that I don’t enjoy writing for at all. The other sites earn next to nothing, so I pretty much stopped doing online writing altogether.

Since I’m out of work, online articles have been the only way I felt like I was contributing to our “bottom line.” Without it, I’m starting to wonder if I need to get a job. After joining my critique group, I’ve become more realistic that freelance or novel-writing will likely never be any real source of income for me.

If you’re wondering why I am thinking about this now, it’s been exactly one year since I lost my job. On one hand, I love the freedom of being at home and writing. One the other, I’m not sure if it’s right to continue being a stay-at-home-nothing.

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Parrot Writes
    Apr 22, 2010 @ 11:03:59

    Kathan, I’m sorry you are going through this turmoil. Wish I had some good answers for you, but expect that after you have done your due diligence and some soul searching, you will land on your feet. Keep the chin up!

    Reply

  2. Natasha
    Apr 21, 2010 @ 21:14:30

    This is a hard one. Bummer. And I’ve been there, too, so I know the struggle from the inside. It’s not like you have to make a decision now that will stay in force the rest of your life — you can decide to look for an outside, paying job and do that for a while; you can decide to continue with your writing full-time and do that for a while.

    And then you can do something different after that.

    Try doing a couple of online job searches (I know, it is a sucky time to find a job) and see how it makes you feel — does it make you excited a little? Or like you’d rather pull out your fingernails? Maybe that will give you a hint as to what direction you should head in next. Or that where you are right now is the right place to be.

    I know I can spend A LOT of time fussing over what I should be doing with my life (big things, little things — doesn’t matter) and all of a sudden it becomes crystal clear what I should be doing. But that clarity comes when it’s ready and not a minute before.

    Hang in there.

    Reply

    • kathanink
      Apr 22, 2010 @ 12:57:48

      I think all of us who’ve stayed home to write have struggled with this on some level. I feel guilty for doing it…and interestingly, when I tell people I am “out of work” (which is true), they feel it’s their responsibility to help me find a job (which I don’t want them to do). So if I switch it up and tell them I am a writer, they want to know more about it, and there’s not much to say. In fact, I’ve had people find out I am a writer and send me “jobs” they or their friends need done (most of them for pay)…but they are not really the type of writing I do.

      It’s just so uncomfortable sometimes I wish I could just tell people I have a job SOMEWHERE. It’s like there’s this unspoken rule that if you don’t have children you MUST have a job. If you don’t, there’s something wrong.

      Sorry for the rant!

      BTW, when I have looked, I just feel this gross pit in my stomach. I don’t want a repeat of my last work environment. 😦

      Reply

  3. darksculptures
    Apr 21, 2010 @ 18:48:01

    Boy do we all have those days, weeks, months, okay it’s pretty much been my past year. Hang in there. At the risk of using a cliche’ – anything worth doing is never easy.

    But if you feel you need to return to work and write “on the side” that’s okay too!

    Follow your heart.

    Reply

    • kathanink
      Apr 22, 2010 @ 12:53:18

      I know my husband has been so encouraging me to stay home and write…I just feel really discouraged that my writing has been so nonproductive in the last month.

      I think, on top of it, I constantly drag my feet at submitting my stuff anywhere because I know it will get rejected. It’s not that I can’t handle rejection, but if I don’t submit it, I can tell myself my writing is better than it is.

      Reply

      • darksculptures
        Apr 22, 2010 @ 13:18:52

        Well let me know if you need someone to hold your feet to the fire. I’m up for:

        a chapter a week challenge
        a scene every other day
        a paragraph a day
        a line a day

        What ever you need to help keep you motivated 🙂

        You know how to reach me 😉

        Reply

      • dayner
        Apr 22, 2010 @ 21:03:53

        You can’t live in fear of rejection. Everyone has different tastes, even if rejected it doesn’t mean your writing is bad, it just means it didn’t fit. You have to keep looking for the right fit.

        Maybe you should think about taking your Blog in a more serious direction. Build up your readership then look for advertisers. That can bump your income some. Find a theme or a hook and focus on it. Something like Julie & Julia.

        You’re lucky to have such a supportive husband. Embrace that and keep swimming…

        Reply

        • kathanink
          Apr 23, 2010 @ 08:14:10

          You know, I thought about doing that with my blog, but truly, I just can’t come up with a niche that would a) hold my readers interest and b) hold mine! When I started my blog, that was my thought, but in the last year I haven’t come up with anything. Weddings are a knowlege/interest for me, but there are about a million blogs on that, so…

          I know I need to submit more of my stuff. I know I do. It’s not going to get published if I don’t send it in. I know…

          Reply

  4. Kirsten Lesko
    Apr 21, 2010 @ 16:51:48

    Ugh – I know how you feel. I struggle with the same thing. It seems like you need to go full-time if you actually want to write & market a decent novel. But there’s no promise of significant income at the end of it.

    I get real down when I think of the amount of money my writing has COST us. Between my education & childcare, I don’t know if it’ll ever balance out.

    I keep plugging away, though. I think this is the part the experts are talking about when they say perseverance is more important than talent in this profession…

    Good luck deciding on your next move.

    Reply

    • kathanink
      Apr 22, 2010 @ 12:50:56

      Kirsten, I know what you mean by the cost of staying home to write. I don’t even want to add it up! I guarantee what I’ve made so far by freelance writing has not made up for what we’ve spent.

      Thanks for your encouragement…it’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this rub sometimes.

      Reply

  5. cherilaser
    Apr 21, 2010 @ 15:47:36

    Hi! I invite you to stop by and visit my blog. If you begin with the Blog Launch Posting on November 4, 2009, you might find a different perspective (and some ideas too) that will lift your spirits. Please say “hi” if you stop in.

    Cheri

    Reply

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