Fear

Keren rolled a few of the large, red pills around in the palm of her hand with her index finger. Take one, twice a day, she whispered, as the pills rolled off her fingertips into the toilet. She picked up the amber prescription bottle from the sink counter, turned it over and the rest of the pills tumbled into the water. When she flushed, the red spun slowly, like a thick clog of blood.

The pain in her belly was daily and increasing. But she couldn’t bring herself to be reminded two times a day that the cancer might devour her as it did him.

The more she thought about it, the more the pain burned. It stabbed hot in her side like a machete cutting away the years of her life.

She felt conflicted about whether her father had done all he could with his disease. He could have eaten better, but so could most. He could have seen the doctor more often and he could have been more informed. She used to think about the could-haves, but now she wasn’t sure anything would have stopped it.

The one thing she did know is that he took those large, red pills every day.

When he died, Keren’s naïveté vanished and she knew nothing could stop what might come. Not food, not doctors, nor the large, red pills. And though the pain stole her life, it was better than the yellowing, screaming death of her father.

She looked back into the hole of the toilet and saw a few red pills swimming at the bottom. She flushed again and they were gone.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. dayner
    Jan 27, 2010 @ 22:17:21

    Very visual again, Kathan. I like how you named this Fear but when I read it I think Brave. How brave would you have to be to face something like this. How brave would you have to be to flush away the one thing that may help you when you’re dying.
    Nicely done, this must have been a hard place for you to go.

    Reply

  2. Natasha
    Jan 27, 2010 @ 10:55:23

    What DS said….

    This is gripping, good imagery to boot.

    Reply

    • kathanink
      Jan 27, 2010 @ 14:43:19

      Thank you…after reading DS entry about prewriting the other day, I decided to buckle down and do it every day, even if just for a few minutes. This is what I ended up with.

      Reply

  3. darksculptures
    Jan 27, 2010 @ 09:28:48

    First, I hope this is truly fiction and that you are not hiding something from your friends.

    Second – WOW! Great job Kathan – you tied the physical and emotional together very well.

    Reply

    • kathanink
      Jan 27, 2010 @ 14:42:28

      I don’t have cancer if that’s what you’re wondering… 🙂 But thanks for worrying about me!

      And thanks…I actually did this in my prewriting yesterday. So I owe the suggestion of doing that to you!

      Reply

    • kathanink
      Jan 27, 2010 @ 14:52:21

      Oh, and I’m also not dying (well, we’re all dying, but…you know what I mean). Just thought I’d throw that in there!

      Reply

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